Front Row
by Dutchie15
Summary: I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries. Or can he? Inspired on Alanis Morissette's 'Front Row'. [CaRWash]


**Disclaimer: I don't own. You don't sue. Only Sue can sue. :)**

**Summary: "I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries." Or can he? Inspired on Alanis Morissette's 'front row'. CaRWash**

**A/N: Don't you just love Alanis? I do. Oh, and I'm still Dutch. Don't blame me.**

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I don't know why it happened, but apparently it was supposed to happen sooner or later. We probably both knew it from the start, but were too afraid or too ashamed to admit it. We still don't know what caused this sudden change in the way we thought about, well, almost everything, but in my opinion it doesn't really matter anyway. All that matters is that it happened. Faith is a very strange thing. It's something so unpredictable, and yet so clear to see. But only after it happened.

The case had made an impact on the both of us, and since we were the only ones on the case, we turned to each other to talk and for comfort. Five weeks we had worked on it, and I remember that it all started in the last week of the case. I walked into ballistics to and found Calleigh sitting on the floor, her eyes closed. I was standing in the doorstep, unsure whether to go in or not. She must've heard me breathe or something. With her eyes still closed, she said:

"Come in."

I stepped in and sat down next to her. She didn't open her eyes, she kept them shut. She smiled though.

"Headache?" I asked.

"No. Just thinking. I can't figure out what we're missing."

"Well then we have that in common."

"There must be something we didn't find yet." Calleigh said.

"This guy won't stop until we stop him."

"You know…you are starting to sound more like Horatio every day."

She opened her eyes and looked at me. My eyes stood questioning, and the question on my lips was obvious.

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good. As long as you keep your own personality as well."

"How do you mean?"

"One Horatio is more than enough. And I like having a Ryan around."

I smiled. Only Calleigh could say something like that after hating me when I first got here. Then again, who didn't hate me? She was the first to become my friend though.

"We'll figure this case out Cal."

"Of course we will. That's why we're CSIs. I'm just tired."

"Then go home and get some sleep."

"I can't. I'm in charge."

"What, you don't trust me here alone?"

"You know I do."

Calleigh leaned her head on my shoulder, sending electric shocks through my spine, like every time we touched. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

"I was listening to this song yesterday. 'Front Row', by Alanis Morissette. It made me think of us."

"Really? Why?"

"I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries."

Why on earth I said that, I still haven't figured out. When she sat up I was sure she was going to hit me, or run away or something. But she didn't.

"What?" She asked.

"Well, honestly, that's kind of how I see us."

"I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries?"

By that time I was sure I had made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I might as well tell Horatio that I killed someone. Which I didn't, but the idea was the same.

"Yes."

"Would you like to love me?"

That question totally caught me off guard. It seemed to be one of her many hidden talents.

"Oh, uh…I think, I mean, I wouldn't mind, I guess."

"Then why would you let a song stop you?"

"I'm not letting a song stop me."

Suddenly a question popped up in my mind. Maybe I had a hidden talent as well.

"Would you like me to love you?"

"If you hold onto that song you might never find out."

Somewhere I was expecting an answer like that. Complicated and mysterious, that was her.

"Would you rather see me letting go of the idea the song gave me?"

"Ryan, let me give you some free advice, from one CSI to another. Life would be boring if everyone always told you everything. Some things you have to find out yourself."

She stood up, while I thought about that. Complicated and mysterious were absolutely the right words. Definitely.

"So you're saying I should find out myself."

"Exactly."

"But…how?"

She gave me a look. I love that look. That: you-didn't-listen-to-me-well-enough look.

"Right. Find out myself."

Now she smiled. I love that smile too. But then again, what don't I love about her? I stood up too.

"So if I'd find a way to find out, would you mind?"

"If I would've minded, do you think I would've told you all this?"

And again I was confused. That woman never stops amazing me. But the only thing I wasn't confused about was that I had to find out. And I thought I knew how to.

"Cal?"

She turned to me. I stepped closer to her and reached out to touch her arm. We got used to those touches. It started as accidents, but now, sometimes we just held hands or place an arm around each other's shoulder. Just because we're friends.

I pulled her closer to me and leaned in to kiss her on her lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and returned the kiss. When I pulled back I saw she was grinning widely.

"What are you smiling?"

"Nothing. Just glad you found out."

"Maybe we should change the song now huh?"

"To what?"

"I can love you even though we're supposed to have professional boundaries." I said.

"Sounds good."

I looked into her beautiful green eyes. I have green eyes as well, but somehow hers were so much prettier.

"I love you Cal, you mean the world to me."

"I know that. I knew that all along."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

She gave me that look again and I remembered:

Some things you have to find out yourself.

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**A/N: And if you want to find out how much more I can write, you should try to review. 'Cause reviews feed my soul and I can't write on an empty soul. :)**


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